The Parents YAP About: What Are You Thankful For?

It's that time of year when everybody stops to think about the things they're thankful - and the moms are no exception. Do you have something on your mind this year that you're grateful for? Add your comments below! 

By Lisa Paglierani and Regina Martine

Lisa Paglierani

It’s easy to be grateful on paper.  When I take the time to count my blessings, I’m humbled and overwhelmed.  Maintaining that feeling of gratitude on an ongoing basis is more challenging.  I’m sure a lifetime of privilege is partly to blame, but in my defense I will say that this parenting thing is hard.  Think about it:  we are charged with the care of human beings who are incapable of meeting their own basic needs.  We feed them, dress them, wipe them, break up fights, enrich their education, and ensure their safety.  And speaking of gratitude?  Here are people who on good days are largely oblivious to our efforts, and on bad days fight us every step of the way.   And just when we feel we have things under control, here come the curve balls:  PMS, teething, stomach viruses, school projects.  Why am I doing this again?  Why does anybody do this?

What’s more, we are subjected to the wisdom of those who have gone before us.   How many of us have found ourselves in a public place, grappling with a melting child, only to have an older person smile sagely and say, “Ah, enjoy it.  It goes so fast.”  What, seriously?   I’m supposed to manage all of the above and enjoy it? 

But after almost ten years of parenting, I’m starting to get it.  I am seeing the value in appreciating life as it happens.  Recently I was watching a home video taken several years earlier.  It showed my second daughter, six months old, splashing in the bathtub.  I knelt in front of the tub while my oldest daughter, age two, walked back and forth across my legs, singing, laughing, and talking to her baby sister.  As I watched, misty-eyed, enchanted by this charming domestic scene, I saw myself abruptly turn around, catch sight of the camera, and snap, “Take her out of here right now before I lose it!”  Ouch.  Talk about ruining the moment.  It’s a good thing my husband edits all of our videos, because I was to reprise my on-screen role of Joy Vacuum many more times. 

I understand why 2006 Lisa reacted in such a surly manner, after a long day spent caring for an infant and toddler.  But the present-day me wanted to reach into the TV and shake her by the shoulders.  “Can’t you see how adorable that child is?  She wants to be with you!  She is happy.  She isn’t fighting with her sister or rolling her eyes at you.  Cherish it!”  I’m getting a taste of what it’s like to be the onlooker in the grocery store.  With respect to my new-mother self, at least, I’m the parent who has gone before. 

I’m really making an effort to translate this perspective to the present.  I don’t want to just experience the joy in the rearview mirror.  It’s unrealistic to expect parents to sail through every day brimming with gratitude, but it’s a virtue I’d do well to cultivate.  I can practice this by looking for the humor all around me, and thinking about the perspective I’ll have in five or ten years.  The frequent filming in my house helps to keep me in check.  When the camera comes out, I’m reminded to look around for what is happy or amusing about the scene, and try to experience a piece of it, no matter how long the day has felt.

More important than my own happiness, I want to model gratitude and contentment for my children.  I want them to be thankful for everything they have, from their health and family right down to their Lego collections.  Finding the joy in the everyday, even when things aren’t easy, is a huge part of that.  It’s something all of us need to work on here.

Life with young kids is pretty insane.  It’s nonstop work, punctuated with moments of desperate frustration as well as incredible joy.  There are days I want to retreat to the basement to scream into my minivan-sized laundry pile.  Later that same day, I might be laughing to the point of tears at something my son said, or gasping as my toddler comes crashing into my thighs with a fierce hug.  It’s a roller coaster that I’m lucky to be riding.  Knowing that one day I will look with envy at that haggard young mother in the checkout line makes me all the more grateful for the beautiful madness that surrounds me today.

Regina Martine

I complain a lot. A LOT. I complain about how much clutter is in my house and how much food I am always buying. I complain that my kitchen is old and falling apart. I complain about all the crap my kids leave all over my house. I complain that my kids are always squabbling over which creative, elaborate, made up game they want to play. I complain that I have purchased so much food for Thanksgiving that my pantry cabinet won’t close. I complain too much.

I am thankful that I have a warm home full of happy, creative, artistic, opinionated kids (even if they are loud and messy.) I am thankful to have more food than I have places to put it (even if my kitchen drawer fronts come off when I try to open them.) I am thankful to have a husband who understands me and knows me better than I know myself (even if I make him listen to all my complaints.) I am thankful.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love the idea of a non-denominational day of food, drink, friends, family and gratitude. No pressure of gift-giving, no songs that get stuck in your head, no obligatory decorations, no one left out. It is one of the only holidays that truly includes everyone. It is the one holiday all about celebrating what we have, and what we have is pretty great.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!