Peggy Barresi
When I was growing up, volunteering was not part of my family’s lexicon. “Giving back” was limited to writing checks for charities. I did zero community service in high school, college, or throughout my early adult life. It really wasn’t until I had kids that the urge to volunteer hit me, and hit me hard. I started with small stints in the classroom or chaperoning field trips, whenever work commitments would allow. My first full-fledged effort was participating in the first Boston Avon 3-Day Walk. I raised almost $4,000 from people who were probably amused to think of me walking 60 miles in three days. No matter, I had an experience like no other and a monster was born.

Once I stopped working full-time, I had the time to indulge in more community service, so I did. I joined the PTO at the Walton and quickly got talked into being president. At the same time, I got riled up enough about the state our the schools in Wakefield to help run the Wakefield Cares override campaign. We lost, obviously, but I gained some amazing friendships and a sense of really belonging to the community.

My husband grew up in a family of seven kids and two very involved parents. How my in-laws found time to contribute to their community is beyond me, but they certainly set a great example. My husband is a graphic designer, and while he does not have a lot of free time, he is always willing to help design graphics for my causes. He is also willing to open his wallet when it counts – when others around the world or at home are suffering, as in the vestiges of Katrina or the Haitain earthquake. But if the Performing Arts Center needs some dough, he’s there, too.

I still volunteer for various jobs, including writing this column. It keeps me well-rounded and feeds my soul. Without consciously meaning to, my husband and I set an example for our girls. Since their Girl Scout days, they’ve had community service on their radar. They started small, helping out at animal shelters, bringing cookies to nursing home residents during the holidays, and making blankets for the Linus Project. Their commitments slowly grew, organizing teams for the Walk for Hunger and other events, being a Big Buddy, and helping to run the community service clubs in their schools. Leah spent every Saturday morning of her high school years answering the teen suicide hotline at the Samaritans in Boston. At Johns Hopkins, she is tutoring a second grader twice a week and teaches ballet to inner-city kids on Mondays. Nina has so many charities she supports that she started a business selling bows, the proceeds of which go to her charities, www.ninathebowgirl.com.

If it sounds like I’m bragging, well I guess I am. My husband and I can’t take all the credit for our kids’ willingness to give back. The world in general is more aware of our collective responsibility to make this a better place. Community service is now a high school graduation requirement. As always, parents are the main role models. If they see you enjoying your commitments, they will want to follow in your volunteering footsteps. Everyone benefits.

Laurie Hunt
My name is Laurie and I am a serial volunteer.  I blame this on my Dad. Not just Dad actually, his entire side of the family.

I remember getting a letter from Dad when I was away at overnight camp as a young kid and he told me to be sure to do something nice for someone else every day. I remember growing up he, and the extended family, were always volunteering. I remember family volunteering at church, standing outside holding political signs, passing out political flyers in neighborhoods. I remember family always doing something for someone else and not expecting anything in return. 

As a kid I volunteered at a summer camp for special needs children and was a candy striper at Symmes Hospital in Arlington. Both of these experiences were profound. I still remember the little girl with Down Syndrome who made me, and everyone else, smile all day long. I also remember a young child in a wheelchair who couldn’t speak but did her best to communicate in other ways and the amazing feeling I experienced when I was able to connect with her and understand her.  At the hospital I remember spending countless hours just listening to people who were lonely. I remember one man who liked to hold my hand when we talked and how it felt when I went into his room one day and he was gone. As a young adult I volunteered with my younger cousin’s Girl Scout Troop. I went where no mother in the Troop (except the leaders) wanted to go. Camping. I never received a paycheck for any of this work yet I know the experiences left me richer. 

When I had children of my own I signed on to be on the Wakefield Public Schools Strategic Planning Committee the year prior to my oldest entering kindergarten. Once my oldest entered kindergarten it really started; volunteering in the classroom, Girl Scouts, CCD, PTO member, Secretary then President, starting a grassroots information group for residents, running/volunteering on campaigns, Executive Board Member of the Special Education Parent Advisory Council, School Council Member… I can’t say no.  I don’t want to say no. I want to make a difference.

Like most of parenting our children learn by example.  I show my girls, like my Dad showed me, with my actions how important it is to give to others.  I want my girls to know that they can make a difference in this crazy world we live in.  I really wish more people gave a little bit more of their time.  If everyone gave just a little bit it would really make a very big difference.

Holly DeSouza
I admit, sad as it may be, I am not much of a “joiner.” I was painfully shy as a kid (the one clinging to the back leg of their parents and praying no one will ask a direct question? That was me.) and have really worked to overcome it. There are times I have to get over it and times when I just don’t want to work at it. For instance, at an organized parent breakfast at my daughter’s preschool at 7:45 a.m. with strangers galore it will be work for me to step out of my comfort zone and make small talk with a total stranger. I am not a snob. I just don’t really want to overcome my shortcomings that early in the morning. It doesn’t much matter that our kids may potentially share time at the water table. Sorry.

Given my internal battle over shyness and my own personal diamagnetism when it comes to large groups of total strangers, I’m not much for volunteering. I will give whatever I can when I can when I am in my comfort level, but it has to be the perfect storm. I realize I am always telling my daughter to share and be as helpful as she can be and, because, of this, am teaching her how to be a hypocrite by my actions. I also realize the school and town budgets are tighter than ever in this economy and it is crucial for those of us who can give to do so. I will get there eventually. For small measures, I have started to attend the school breakfast meetings. I also have taken time out of my busy work schedule while my daughter is at school and have volunteered for small tasks with Lexi’s class when appropriate. 

Ask me again how important volunteering is when my daughter is fully immersed in the public school system. Since she was not able to attend public school this year due to the age cutoff, anything she is involved in is a pay to play situation. If I am paying for my daughter to be involved (preschool, gymnastics, dance, ski lessons, and the list goes on) I am not keen on needing to volunteer much of anything. Eventually she will be involved in more activities and events once enrolled in the public school system. As long as you are not asking me to host a fundraiser over breakfast, I hope to be the model parent volunteer.

Tasha Schlake Festel
Volunteering for the sake of volunteering is not a value in my house. I do not teach my kids to “give back” because they should but rather because they want to. I spread myself all around Wakefield, from PTO, to coaching, to town events, to donating baked goods, to contributing to this column and everything in between. And I don’t do it out of a sense of duty or obligation. I do it because I care about the organizations in which I am involved or because I will learn something, meet new people, have fun or all of the above. I do not volunteer for the street cred or to impress or prove that I am a “good” person.

There are times when I have taken on a volunteer task out of guilt or obligation and am filled with nothing but resentment as a result. I am a busy woman with many interests and talents. I do not have time to waste on things that are not priorities for me. I am working on saying “no” to more opportunities, choosing only what I can effectively and happily do, even if it means that something will not get done. It is frustrating when no one “steps up” to take on a cause or responsibility. It’s especially frustrating when someone claims they would get involved if they weren’t so busy. Well here’s a news flash for you: We’re all busy. But if it’s a priority, you find the time. If it’s not, then let someone else do it and walk away.

Volunteering should work like a free-market economy. If there is a product on the market that no one wants, it will not sell and the company will either adapt or go out of business. The same applies to volunteerism. If there is a cause that enough people believe in, there will be volunteers to sustain it. If not, then maybe the cause isn’t so important.

The altruistic society in which we live where you are not good enough until you are miserably overcommitted and have nothing left for yourself is not one I want my children to foster. I encourage them to give their time as I give mine, but only if they sincerely want to and can explain to me the personal benefits they see to the endeavor. Will they learn something? Will their participation impact something they deem important, not just a trendy cause with a cool awareness ribbon or Livestrong-esque bracelet? Do they have a personal connection to the cause? Is it just plain going to be a rockin’ good time? If they show me that there is something in it for them – even if it’s just for fun – then I will support and encourage them. I want them to grow up into interested and involved people, but I want them involved for the right reasons.