MomTalk: Public Breastfeeding - Natural, or Nasty?

MomTalk News: The Wakefield Patch Moms welcome our newest member, Jillian Sallee! Jillian is supermom to three wonderful kids and works two days a week at Tall Spire Pre-school in Wakefield as well working for her Mom’s daycare. We look forward to Jillian’s contributions each week.

Jillian Sallee
Imagine, if you will, Central Park, New York City. It’s a hot summer day in August, and thousands of people are enjoying the park. My family is walking around, enjoying the sights, and people-watching. My newborn son is in the Baby Bjorn, enjoying the motion of our walk, when all of a sudden he decides it is time to eat. And he is not whimpering quietly, but screaming his bloody little lungs out. I immediately looked around for a private place to nurse, but who was I kidding? My choices were next to the skateboarders or a spot on the wall near the toddler park. I chose the spot on the wall and tried to work up the courage to try to feed him. I was so embarrassed that soon I was crying, too, and the baby was still screaming. My family was trying to help and encourage me, but I just couldn’t do it. We ended up practically running out of the park to my brother’s nearby apartment where I could have some privacy and feed my now sleeping son. I was disappointed in myself for not being strong enough to nurse my baby when he needed it.  

Fast forward 5 years and two kids later, and it is now fall at Honey Pot Hill in Stowe. My family was apple picking at our Annual Daycare Family field trip. This meant that there were at least 30 people in our group, adults and children. I had my barely two month old daughter in the very same Baby Bjorn as before. And lo and behold, she wakes up in the middle of the orchard and decides she is hungry. This time, I barely thought about it. I found a comfy spot under a tree and positioned the baby so she could eat, and eat she did. The friends I was with thought it was hysterical that I was plunked down under an apple tree and so there might have been some pictures taken. I was cool as a cucumber, she nursed for ten minutes and we were on our way to cider donuts. Success!!

I went through a lot nursing my three children. My first child, my son, and I were not very good at the whole nursing thing and I needed lots of help. We only lasted about three months and I probably never nursed him in public. I wasn’t completely discouraged though, and when I had my second child I tried again and she was a great nurser. I was much more relaxed this time around, and we had a good nursing relationship for nine months and then she quit on me.  That was okay though, we had had a good run and I was ready to move on. With my third baby, we had the best nursing relationship and we only stopped a month ago. I nursed both my daughters in public from time to time but really only when necessary. I found the wonderful invention of the “Hooter Hider”. It’s a lovely cloth contraption that fits over one shoulder of the mother and hides any private parts and the baby’s head for as much privacy as one can ask for in public. Any time I did nurse outside my house I tried to be conscious of how other people would view me.  

I made the choice to nurse my daughters in public but I also tried to find a place that wasn’t front and center and I wasn’t on complete display. This was as much for my own comfort as well as the flow of the people around me. I was aware that not everyone would approve of my choice but the baby needed to eat so I did what I was comfortable with. I made a different choice with my son but that worked for me at that time in my motherhood life. I believe that women should be able to feed their children in whatever manner they can. I do also believe that it is important to be respectful of people who might not be as comfortable with our feeding choices. I don’t see a need to make people uncomfortable on purpose. That being said, if you see a woman under an apple tree trying to soothe her hungry baby...don’t take a picture.  No one is a happy camper in that picture! 

Peggy Barresi
For a variety of reasons, I chose not to breastfeed my girls. Let’s just say it wasn’t for me. I have never looked with jealousy upon a mother breastfeeding her child. It seems kind of painful, actually. One of my fondest memories is of feeding my infants in the middle of the night, when the world was deeply quiet, and having them stare into my eyes as they fed. From a bottle. We bonded, trust me. 

I would never try to convince a mother to feed her children one way or the other. Each mother should make her own choice. There are pros and cons to both methods. I, for example, had to travel with bottles and formula. God help me if I wasn’t equipped when the baby was hungry. A breastfeeding mother carries her own supply of food in two convenient packs on her chest. Like a super hero, she’s always prepared.

Feeding a child from a bottle in public is not controversial, so why does breastfeeding make others uncomfortable? It’s not the act of feeding the baby, it’s the breasts, stupid. In our society breasts are considered highly sexual. For the most part, we keep them covered up, offering little peeks of cleavage here and there designed to entice. When you breastfeed, your boobs, previously precious sexual assets, are on display to the public. And they’re not your regular boobs, either. They are engorged, veiny, ginormous boobs. They freak people out.

I’ve seen many mothers discretely breastfeed their babies in public. All it takes is a small baby blanket or cloth draped over your shoulder and covering the exposed breast. Most of the time, you can’t even tell what’s going on. It just seems to me like common courtesy. Cover your breast, as you normally do, and everyone is happy. The baby feeds, and the public happily goes on about its business. It seems like a good compromise to me.

Tasha Schlake Festel
Just a few days after the birth of my daughter, my husband’s best friend, Chris, came to see us, and we were relaxing in the living room watching “Devine Design” on HGTV. (The recall of random details is so odd, isn’t it?) The host, Candice Olson, was discussing putting a small, decorative chest next to the bed in the room. I looked at Chris and sighed and said, “You know, I used to have one of those… Now my chest is large and functional.”

The one thing my chest had in common with the one on TV was that it was on display. However, that one was only in the bedroom. Mine enjoyed a much larger viewing audience; it was on display in the greater Boston area. For about nine months, starting in mid-December 2003, there were few places you could go in eastern Massachusetts and not see my boobs – usually one at a time – proudly on display. I nursed wherever and whenever my kid was hungry, and sometimes when she wasn’t hungry just to make the screaming stop. Virtually ensuring a future unhealthy emotional connection to food for my little girl, I found that there was almost no problem a little breast milk could not solve. (In my defense, as a new mom, I had nothing else in my tool kit other than a pacifier and swearing at the baby under my breath. Neither was as effective as nursing.)

I loved nursing. I found it incredibly convenient, economical, comforting and empowering. I never had to pack bottles. I never had to break the bank on formula. I never worried about different methods of soothing. And I felt like a superhero, creating and delivering food, all within my own body. Awesome. The only obvious downside to me had nothing to do with the public revelation of my girly parts. It was the blobby post-partum belly that sometimes peeked out too. Ick! That sight was far more offensive than the ta-tas, trust me. 

I don’t know if public nursing is something that didn’t happen much before I was a mother or if I just never noticed. I see it a lot now, but have no memory of ever witnessing it prior to baring my own chest at will in public places. I wonder if it’s kind of like my new nose ring: Before I had one, I rarely noticed them, but now they’re everywhere! I highly doubt that there was a rush on piercings in late October as a result of little-old-trendsetter-me getting one. It’s probably just my egotistical view of the world and heightened awareness to a sisterhood of body mutilators – or nursing mothers, for the purposes of this article.

Either way, I really don’t see the big deal about nursing in public. I mean, really? If you don’t like it, don’t do it. If you don’t like seeing it, look away. No one is forcing you to do it or watch someone else who is. I would much prefer to see a mother and child nursing, bonding and doing one of the most natural things on earth to being subjected to a screaming baby, desperate for food and/or comfort and its haggard mother frantically shush-ing, bouncing, and attempting to shove a pacifier in its mouth just to Make. It. Stop.

Nursing isn’t easy and it doesn’t come without personal cost or consequence. Sure, there is no monetary investment, but as they say, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” My body will pay the price of my decision to nurse both of my children for 18 months each for the rest of my life. Well, unless I hit the lottery or find a generous plastic surgeon who is willing to hike these puppies back up to where they belong pro-bono. National Geographic has nothin’ on me, let me tell you!

Moms have it hard enough. Instead of judging them for doing what they think is best for their babies, we should be supporting them, applauding them, thanking them for giving of themselves so their babies get a great start.

Laurie Hunt
Before we even go into my opinion on the matter I would like to remind readers that it is illegal to “restrict, harass or penalize” a mother who is breastfeeding her child in a place where they may otherwise be “lawfully present”  (MGL 111, section 221).  You can even print out a License to Breastfeed in Massachusetts ((wink)). 

I firmly believe in an infant/baby/child’s right to eat-at-Mom’s when they need to. It is really that simple to me. While they have been sexualized, breasts were made to feed babies. Most women who nurse in public are quite discreet about it. It is incredibly rare that you would see anything you wouldn’t see at the beach and, if by chance you do, so what?!  Oh, your young child might see a nipple?  Who cares?!  Consider it a teaching moment and then carry on with your day thankyouverymuch. 

I also don’t like it when people judge and determine a child is “too old/big” and “can wait”. Who and/or what determines too old or to big? Children grow and develop at different rates, a very young baby/child can look older than he or she is. Additionally some children speak earlier than others so I really dislike the “if they are old enough to ask for it they don’t need the breast” argument very much either.  And, last but not least, what is wrong with an “older” baby or child nursing anyway?

Before you judge someone for nursing in public I ask you, where should they do it? Hide in a dressing room? What about the toddler they have with them? Do you really thing the three of them should have to sit in a 3x3 closet together so you’re not offended? A bathroom??? Would you want to eat in a public restroom? Before you judge the woman nursing an “older child” consider that the child may have serious allergies and breast milk is best for them at that time, regardless of age. Consider what might be the “norm” for their culture. For many reasons nursing may comfort that child. Bottom line – it’s none of our business why that family is choosing breast milk for their child.

I clearly had an impact, which I am proud of, on my toddler with regards to nursing her younger sister when and where she needed to eat. My then two-year-old was in a donut shop with her grandfather when she began to undo her overall straps. Papa asked what she was doing and he didn’t understand her at first and asked again… she loudly announced she needed to “bwest feed her Gaga” (stuffed dog) and clearly saw no reason not to do so right there in line while waiting for her donut. Poor Papa, proud Mama.

I will also add that I have done both bottle and breast. I failed miserably at nursing my first child during week one.  It is worth noting that same child never got sick as a baby and was over two when she had her first fever/ear infection.  My youngest child nursed like a champ beyond her first birthday.  Guess what?!  She had her first fever during her first year of life and had tubes put in her ears before her second birthday. Go figure.

Regina Martine
Nursing is the most natural thing in the world and women should (and legally can) feed their babies whenever and wherever the need arises. The fact that some people find this indecent or sexual or it just makes them feel oogy is simply ridiculous. I have breastfed at a wedding, on the T, on an airplane, on the beach (in a bikini!) while dining in restaurants, at concerts, and in front of every friend and family member that happened by when my baby was hungry. No one ever gave me a hard time about nursing in public. Quite the opposite, actually. People were supportive and kind, or didn’t seem to notice, but never negative. If anyone had a problem with it, they didn’t say anything to me. I think most people would rather suffer through seeing an exposed boob than listen to the screams of a hungry baby.

I never had any problems with nursing—except for a few technical difficulties after my c-section, mostly because I couldn’t sit up—but all my babies took to nursing like they were born to do it. Which they were. By my third baby, I could have nursed him hanging from a tree. All three of my kids breastfed for over a year—my youngest was 21 months when he stopped—and none of them ever had a drop of formula. After about a year, the only nursing was at naptimes or bedtime, so I was not one of those women who had a toddler walk over, lift my shirt, and stand in front of me to have a drink. By then, they ate from plates and drank from cups, so nursing was more about comfort and snuggling than about nutrition.

Now, I have never been shy, exactly, but my idea of modesty definitely changed after having babies. I think after having half the hospital staff see my ladyparts and then some, the idea of pulling up my shirt to pop a boob in a baby’s mouth really didn’t seem like a big deal. My sense of modesty had changed so much that I inadvertently sent some nearly full-boob-exposure newborn pictures from the hospital to the entire office where I worked. Oops. Luckily, I learned to be more discreet.  

Supporting Video: Breastfeeding on Sesame Street circa 1977

Petition to bring breastfeeding back to Sesame Street